Help please people

Ok so this is bit different from normal post but its bugging me so I’m sorry but here I have the freedom to type it out.
As you all are aware Iv lost both my grandparents this last month. Well next week is my grandaddys funeral and thing is I’m not sure what to do about my boys. Kai’s still young enough to be non aware really. What with his year delay he’s only really about 2. But kierren he’s nearly seven and very bright . And my grandaddy wants to be cremated which I don’t feel is right for a child to see. And as I don’t have partner and my parents will be going I’m just not sure what to do. I had family have ago at me when I was unable to attend my Nan’s due to Kai having chicken poxs. What is the right thing to do when there is a cremation of a family member and your children are over toddler age but to young to have total understanding of death. If any one has any idea any advice I am more then willing to hear advice.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Help please people

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your grandparents. That’s a lot of loss with very little time to process!

    As for this specific question, I’m a little confused. Are you saying that the family is going to view the actual cremation process? If so, I can totally understand your hesitation. Even simple funerals can be overwhelming for a young child; I imagine something as dramatic as a cremation would be inexplicable.

    Obviously, I can’t tell you what to do. What I can do is help remind you of the things to consider before you decide.

    1) YOU are the parent of these children. They are in your care. You are the one responsible for guarding their minds and emotions. If you don’t feel they’re ready for this step, you get to make that decision and make sure they don’t attend. If you allow others to pressure you into ignoring your instinct and your children react badly and are damaged in some way (nightmares, anxiety, etc.) then you are the one and only person responsible for that outcome. You had the power to say no and you yielded to someone else’s influence. So, stand strong. If you don’t want them there, don’t take them.

    2) This might mean that you won’t get to attend the ceremony either. If there’s not a friend who can watch the kids for you, then by disallowing their attendance, you’re disallowing your own as well. So be it. Since they are young and unable to direct their own lives, unable to protect themselves in these situations, you are their only hope and sometimes you have to choose their well being and their interests over your own, as I’m sure you’re painfully aware!

    Perhaps you guys can attend briefly? At the beginning? Before things get too scary? I don’t know. I don’t know the logistics of the ceremony. But if you have to sit it out, you have to sit it out. It’s your call. Funerals are for the living so how you grieve and how you remember are up to you to determine.

    3) I will warn you, again I’m sure you’re painfully aware already, that grief makes people crazy. They can be demanding, obsessive, critical, self-righteous, and a million other difficult adjectives. Forget it. Forget them. This is about you, raising and protecting your kids to the best of your ability with the information and resources you have. That’s it. If other people want to be critical, let them. It doesn’t need to affect you or influence your choices.

    Good luck to you and your two littles! 🙂

    1. I was thinking of just going to the wake as I think having the coffin there would be scary for my oldest. And my youngest hates crowds and sudden sounds. I think just need someone on outside to say what you said basically thank you for your help you are fab Hun.

      1. Your plan sounds perfect! You have my full support. And if anyone’s critical of your choice, tell them you’re just trying to be the best mom to your kids that you can be and you wish they would support you in that. If that doesn’t shut them up, you have them come talk to me. I’ve got your back!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s