growing up lin my family was not easy as dad was attached to diffrent regiments all the time in the army. And moving dad going oof to gulf war was hardest part. As a 7 year child i suddenly became aware that my dad could die. And that plaged me for a good year and a half.And hospitnd of course going from hospital to having tests done having less and less movement in my lower legs and more and more pain made things confussing for a child. Also when trying to fit in to new places find where you belong as well and havingg something attacking your body not knowing what it is is hard to understand. And i rember the day so well when the doctors said if my legs kept going way it was by my 21st i would no longer be able to walk with cruches. and as it turned out i lasted longer, but recal day i shared this with so class mates and how much it hurt when they didnt understand. they saying what at midnight on your birthday are they going to sudenly stop working and giggleing. now looking back i know that this was just kids being kids and that there was nothing more to it then that. How could they understand there biggest worry was if they be  home for latest tv program. or if there mum had got them that new top they wanted. well for me none of that mattered as i grown up with never having a group of friends around for long. And being aware that there group of people who hated people that my dad worked for and that there people out there killing army men. so my life had never been like other children so when this medical problem become more of an issue it meant that i took better in some ways but in some ways being so grown up meant that i took this more serreously then child. it took over my life and meant that i was deppressed at 14 and felt like i was goin miss out on so much and let that rule me for so long which meant i missed out on loads while still could of had them. If i had been like other children i wonder if i would of lived for the day like other care free children. But then as long as i can recall i have been in loads of pain and had a range of other problems which restricted my life from young age. But having this happen has made me want to protect my kids more as i know how i found out even thou my parents tried to but let just say i was a very knowing and noise child. . which lead to me knowing more then i should have. I dont want that for my boys and knowing that my oldest is very much like me means i know how to stop him and my youngest dos not really care to find any thing out all he wants is to be huged and kissed and play and watch mickey mouse. strange blog tonight i know but wanted to clear my thoughts and this is best way.



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