Here are three most important men in my life. My amazing wonderful dad who has do and still dis a lot for me. With my two baby boys who my life would be nothing without. And centre of attention there is my dog Emmy.
I have the most amazing friend I would die for that girl as she is ace. And last week she totally proved it. Going throw town on Tuesday what should happen but my wheel breaks on my wheelchair. And she manages to get me to the last shop I had to go to. And get me to the place to fix it. I don’t mean just pushed me as wheel had stopped moving so as well as having two small children. And wheelchair that couldn’t move well. So had to basically had to lift and push to get me to shop I needed to get to it was. Nightmare at time and I would hate to think what others thought about it but I’m so glad Iv got great friend that will do this for me. Point of this is to say when things get hard you start to notice who is there.
A loss is a loss no matter how long you had something when it’s gone it’s lost yes. Well today i read the very sad and moving story of some very strong parents. I say strong as in there relationships and there will to achieve. They lost there very much loved son at tender age of 16. He was an only child as he was born early and like many parents who have seen there very sick child fight for there life. It did cross my mind at one point but nature took choice out of my hands. But that did not happen to this family any way,
They felt they no longer fitted in this world they where no longer a family. But also they where not and didnt want to be a couple without children. But they did not want a child to replace there beloved son as no child could replace another i know that but it could help give meaning to there life again i think thats just my view. So they decided to have another baby. They tried natural way but didn’t achieve there wish did several attempts of IVF. And in end they had there wish they where having twins but sadly due to a hospital error the twins a boy and a girl sadly when they where born the little boy had already past on and was forever been cared for by his big brother. And the little girl had brain damage beyond having a good life. The parents made a difficult choice that’s was best for there daughter and not them. As the lady could no longer carry a child and as they where of middle age they could no longer adopt they decided to be brave and ask another to give them the amazing gift of a child. They found a very brave and amazing lady who was willing to help them and I feel that women who do this are amazing. On second try she feel pregnant this time nature had given them two little boys and a girl. I read this story And felt such hope for future for this family. And grateful that altho I have lost baby’s . I have my two amazing baby boys. And hearing this story just made me think how lucky I am how grateful I am to have them. Also how easily that could change but to pray it never will. I wonder if some of the mums I see that risk there unborn children by smoking/drinking ever think about how there baby’s could be born more with problems. Or mums that have no time for there children drag them places or rather go clubbing them reading bed time story. I just wonder do they realise pain that could come there way.
This is my favourite season I love autumn. It’s a very romantic season it’s time to stay in snuggle up under a blanket and all good tv is on this time of year. As well as the seasons leaf colours are full of warmth. Reminds me of being innocent child with the excitement of all hallows eve celebration of death and life. Time of change as child start of autumn meant new class new teacher new start. Still now it brings hope to me for start of the new season. And now my son is following suit like mother like son. Also this time year we do quilt and DVD days and in this house 90 percent are sifi DVDs which most popular ones come out in autumn. So yes this is my favourite time of year as it has so many good memories.
Keep on blogging tell me what time of year is your favourite?
I can say this week the fall/autumn has surely come. As my oldest son has finely gone to bed in more then pants and vest at most some times just pants but will say this he always has his blankey. Blankey is his blanket he’s had since we got flooded when he was 13 months old. But back to my point , on weds night at about midnight I heard this little voice say mummy mummy I’m cold even with blankey and my quilt. So at wonderful hour of night I had to wake up and find pjs he’s lucky I love him so very much. But this child always is warm blooded. So when he’s cold I know it’s getting colder. The pic he’s in his monkey onesie.
OK so many things have changed over the last three years hard to really explane but i think its good for me to express how i felt coped.
Ok so go back three years ago and there was just me and kierren i was on my way back to collage looking forward to new stage of my life.
But then i went to english class and i feel for someone a man in his 40s who as far as i knew was spearated from his wife for 9 or more year seprated from his recent girlfriend.
when i saw him with my son i felt that pang that pull on heart strings that makes you think omg hes not only sweet towards you but hes playing with my boy.
Then things changed 6 weeks into relationship i end up pregnant artfer being told would never happen again.
Things changed all of a suden i was having a high risk pregnancy was studying and raising a child.
well got very messy i fell in love with his children and him and due to upset of there mother i ended up having his children and him live with me for a month.
I brought the kids clouthing toys and any thing they needed i got for him and them as i cared about them as much as i did my own.
There was a few bumps in the road which now i can understand why thew fights between my three year old and his son for his time and attention.
Then i had harrasement from people for breaking up a couple even thou he had several public relationships before me.in time we had several break ups where i ended it as i had enough of what was going on but when i saw his kids i loved him and his kids that i went back . when kai was 8 weeks and had been in hospital i had pnd he ended it and in some ways it was best as i was only one caring for kj and kai.
but all that change dos woorie me about the effect on my children and his.
every day i think about his kids when i see something in the shops i think they would like i think of them. but change is good and letting go is change im going to make xxxx
There is nothing worse then an adult making assumptions about a child. Today my oldest decied he was gooing to throw a huge tanturm. And yes drives me insane when he dos this but its over in matter of seconds but the seconds he dos throw a tantrum i feel so mad at him but know how to get it undercontrol. Todays one was over the fact that he was not in the school clubs he wanted to be in with his best friend.
so when hes crying and shotting one mum pipes up just as hes about to stop which i knew he was going to as i know how he works. She turns to him and says come on how you meant to help your poor mummy in that state you know your mummy cant do much. Then she looks at me and says no need to say thanks i looked at her and smiled. What i really wanted to say was thats ok as i will not be saying thanks. It made him more up set and confussed as all was about to settle down and wwould of been on are way. then one of the ladys friends pipes up says oh him not having his dad around must lead to all these problems as my children have there dad and we get none of this. No just her child has been done for bullying often and her daughter has been kicked out of three schools but no nevre tanturm. At that point i did pipe up and said ” i’m sorry but this is a tanturm and they happen as children have to learn bounderies i would rather this then ten years time having a child that has never learnt to stick to the rules. And secondly my son may not have his dad around but no dad better then a bad dad”. She gave me a whole speach on how i should control my son while hers is biting her young baby girl whos only 3 months old then telling his mum that they need to go to toy store as he listend in shcool today. Then she gos on about how i should make my kids eat vegables and fruit. and should give my son a time table and set out tasks and toys he get for doing them and how i should make him play with set group of friends to give him higher standing at school as hes not got best standing no dad disabled mum poor child. This point i saw red and my rant began you tell me please if i was wroong for losing it. Now my sons go throw above advreage amount of furit and veg a week my oldest would rather eat fruit then sweets other week it was whole mellon which was amazing as then he wanted kiwi and as for my youngest we have to give him his meat on one plate veg on another or he eat all veg and leave the meat. so no my kids dont eat rubish all the time and if they did its no ones business other then me and school nurse. And i do have rules set out for both my sons to control them and 90 percent time they are under control but children are children they need to push bonduries to learn where the line is. And as for giving my son a time tabble of events and tasks giving him a toy for doing so a toy really would that not make a child think everytime they do something they should get a toy not do something to be helpful. but before you say any thing he dos have a sticker chaert and tasks to do to earn his pocket money. and high standing in school i do belive these children are in infents school not politics or something like that.” at that point i chose to rool away and let her shot to herself .
I felt that was best as it was upsetting for my sons let alone her children and all other children that where there.
As my sons are getting older im having to deal with whole new lot of fears. My oldest son is very popular and very much the child in centre of everything and the child that wants to have people’s attention. I fear about him joining gangs getting into trouble with police. I have seen more of these days. where my younger son is very different he is very different from most other 2 year olds. I worry that other children may notice this that he could end up an outsider. But stop myself and think why am i fearing these things as they change all the time. But what do parents of teenagers worry about what do teens them self worry about. Talking to some parents of teens as i wanted to know what concerns mum’s of teenagers worry about. What i found was they had some of the fears i have about my sons when they hit teens pregnancy drugs and anorexia ,crime and drugs, STDs , STIs, knife attacks and guns where top of the list. The teen girls them self feared not fitting in and being alone without any friends being total outsiders, And fear of not being invited to it as they be odd one out at school. They also feared not being able to buy the right outfits and standing out because of it. When it boiled down to it their number one fear was not fitting in.For teen boys there fears was of turned down by girls or being seen as being a wimp. And being seen as not cool and not having the same as others.seems that fitting in is the most common fear of teens at this point. How can parents get their teens to understand their fears and protect them self .from the dangers that the parents have concerns about as they don’t fear these things. And how can parents learn to understand their teens fears or concerns when they don’t see them as a danger. So knowing other mothers fear these things makes me realise that yes these are real fears but at least knowing them i could try to give my sons as much advice as i can. To try to avoid these all i have to deal with is back chat and slamming doors and teenage heart-break. But for now i deal with back chat of a six-year-old strop’s, and 2-year-old tantrums.
As i put my sons to bed tonight i could not help but hold them longer as all i could think about how one little girl is in ICU and how another little girl is left without been told that she loved to moon and back no bed time story and if she cries in middle of the night there will be no one to hold her tight and say that everything is ok ok. And that little girl will probably need all of that now and more you ask well. The police belive that the reason behind this is money. They have been told that the shooting in france that has left one little girl fighting for her life. And another that little be forever left with the mental image of her move giving her daughter the one gift that any mother would do which is the gift of protection shielding her daughter from flying bullets. The person the belive is behind it all is the fathers own brother the childs uncle. has are world become so materialistic that a brother would shoot his own brother sister in law and niece that he is also thought to have beaten his niece as well. this poor little girl is left with the thought that her uncle wanted her dead and her sister is left knowing that if it was not for her mothers body she would iv a be dead or fighting for her life all because of money. what are we doing to each other that we have all become so materialistic that a family can be killed over it. what are we doing to next generations by becoming so materialistic that it can end in death family what will happen next. How has it come to this as these brother grew up together this brother would of held his nieces in his arms at one and congratulated his brother and sister in law. With all memories how could he look at those little girls face then shot her and kill her mum and dad. why has world become so materialistic that this could happen.
tonight im keeping these poor little girls in my mind.