Monthly Archives: April 2012

I could finely say I’m his mummy

Sitting on bed in theatre robe suddenly it all felt so reAl in no time I would finely meet my kierren. I had been having contractions and he been trying to come for seven days. He was 33 weeks now and with infections making me and him ill it meant he had to be delivered. The midwife came in and helped me into my wheelchair put blanket over me as she was concerned that I was shivering (I think that was more nerves then any thing). Laying on the hospital table in the anistetic room suddenly feeling pressure on my chest. The next thing I recall is waking up in the delivery suit. I called out for my baby as we were told he would be fine. But at that moment half awake not very well lost a lot of blood so was having third transfusion and told my little man was born not breathing. My sister came asked to see him and her friend my dad my mum all had seen him. I still had not seen my baby. Desperate on second day I begged to see him upset and hurt that I had been stopped from seeing my baby all I had was a photo. When finely they made a deal and said if I finished the bag of blood I had going into me then go up. Then come backdown for the next then I could go see him. Going up in the lift I felt so scared of how Ill he would be. Buzzing I finely got to say the words I wanted to say for so long hi I’m kierrens leach mum a simple thing for so many but not those who like me felt not like a mummy. As never had are baby by are bed side. Going down towards the hot room you pass the nursery were babies who near ready To go home are there. Then west room were baby’s who need some care but out of danger. Then we were there outside the hot room were my baby was. My mum opened the door and pointed towards this little mAn in incubator in the corner . Opened the little port hole I could just reach inside and touch him. All those tubes and wires were scary. But this little man was not as helpless as he looked he soon showed them how cheeky he could be.


When everything changed

As my sister drove down the road asking me if I wanted to go back. And saying to me don’t feel I have to stick to this choice. But only I knew that I had made this choice because of the little person moving inside of me. As I put my hand on my bump I whispered “I promise iv done what’s best for you” I could feel the emotions building up inside I wanted to cry but didn’t want any one to know how hurt I was. I had already coursed so much drama with trips to hospital often since I fell pregnant heavy bleeding but my little person was still going strong. I coursed my parents so much stress because I was told pregnancy was huge risk for me. And one I was very willing to take. When I got back home we settled in meet the midwife who was very concerned about us but promised to help. I had ten more hospital stays and from 24 weeks the little person who I now knew was my little boy kierren-jack. Every time I begged him to hold on in there till he was safe to come into the world. Things were hard as whole time I was fighting to keep my baby inside I was trying to fix my broken heart. The one thing that started to heal my heart was the day I found out i was having a little boy . I looked at that monitor and saw that little man wiggling around strong and fighting my heavy heart felt lighter and happy for first time in ages.


How far is to far when your child is hurt

As parents we feel and are sworn to protect are children from hurt and pain.

Reading in the paper today about Nicola young who’s daughter was getting bullied at school as she was not seen as perfect size.  School had been told about the bullying and seen to do nothing. The 11 year old had tried to avoid these people but still they would find her . One day the 11 girl pointed out to her mum the gang mrs young went over to them to sort the matter out.  To be told Blythe 15 year old girl to once again bring subject up with the school and pushed past her. Now I don’t condone what happened next but as a mother I can understand it. Nicoal young punched the girl several times in the face and pulled her hair. The nicaol has gone to court got one year parole and has to pay the girl 50 pound for being a victim and 200 pound court fees.

The impact statement is what got me as the 15 year old girl says she now scared to go out alone.

Which I totally believe and understand ,but is that not how her victim felt.yes the girls mum did wrong and got punished. Her victim  got victory in away for what she went throw that one day and scares that left but what is the 11 year old left with mum labeled a thug because she was pushed to far and made bad very bad choice. I just feel like the girl who started out as the victim still is. I feel that she  has totally been forgotten about. I would never take any thing this far but I. Can understand the mother rage  and desire to protect her child. But this time it was taken to far  but what is a suit able punishment for these kids.  When there adults theyGould be done for verbal assault or many other crimes if reported. But in school they get a telling of and maybe a detention.

True love soul mates really

Loves greatest gift is it real is there such a thing as true love one and only love are we meant to believe in?

Is there a place in moden society for true love. In a world were we have become lazy when it comes to socializing .

You used to meet people at cinemas when people never had DVD players and people used to meet at discos but lately they have turned into meat markets and so loud you can’t talk.

And due to fear of unknown in this day and age no one will talk to someone they don’t know throw fear of who they could be.

I have been in relationships and thought I loved the guys both my sons dads were guys I thought I loved.

Looking back on one of them it was not love it was lust and the need tobe me.

But I will not share who he is as its not fair on him.

And when past relationships ended I tend to fall out of love with the guys. But the only guy who I still have some feelings for is guy before I had my sons.

What is true love and soul mates is there such a thing or is this just a fairy tale we tell are children to give them hope. And with high amounts of males then females in the woRld how is every person “meant” to have a soul mate it is not possible. Or are some of us just to damaged to be loved by another person.

Are some really that in love with there selfs that they really can not love another person. Is there any way to solve this as you can’t prove that this modem world.There is a need for true love /soul mates as we need hope in this world and need fairy tales happy endings.


My life

Life can be very ver wheeling at times it can feel as if it is all caving in on you and you can take deep breath.
I know for me life is different I’m single disabled mum of two young boys so life can be more of a struggle.
I don’t think people understand how hard life is for me I get more warn out in so much pain that at times I feel like why me all I want is to be a good mummy. When I have a bad day I miss out on my son as I can’t do as much with them like I normally do. As I have to step back my mummy time on days that life is hard. I wish people would understand that no matter what I’m still there mummy. I’m always going to have good days and bad but no matter what I’m always going to be me. There are times I wish my life was more different easier but it’s not it is what it is.

Nwn post got blood boiling over

Reading my local paper today I saw something that nearly made my blood boil . There was an letter from a reader about marriage and howgray people should not be able to get married as getting married is about procreation. So dos that mean women unable to get  married as well or men unable to have children. What about old couples should they not get married as well.  Ialway says thought of marriage as away to beclair your love to that person and that your love is forever. Itmaybe once have been to legalize a child born when parents are married but then dos that mean if person gets pregnate by one night stand they should marry. Why can’t getting married be what it’s meant to be and why should people not be able to declaring there love they should.