Its hard hating something that for all my childhood had held such wonderful memories.  Something that when i look back at i feel warmth and wonder amazement and joy.                            See for me this time of year held such magic and  held dreams of romance and wonder of course with true wonder comes amazement.   But now, now it is tainted  with pain,anger  and resentment. So thew things do i truly wish i could change but this is one of them and it angers me so badly that i am left with this. there are times in my life that i have been so upset and wished i could change  my life and how it has turned out but this,this is one thing i wish i could change.   It’s not as if i could  just get over it because no matter what way i look at it im left with this till day i die as you can’t get rid of an illness of a disability and pain that comes with it. As a child i would see snow fall and would feel excited now i see it as more pain coming and it dos anger me because i want to enjoy it with my sons. I see moms tutting at there children want to go out and want them to come play with them i feel pure resentment towards them  as i would like to be able to just say ok and not feel that twinge of knowing that later im going to feel huge amounts of pain. The pain that is worse this time of year has ruined my favorite time of year.  But i will not let this  stop this  time of year  from being magical for my sons as they deserve the memories i have.    

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