Monthly Archives: August 2011

why did it happen?

I got very mad when listening to a debate about the riots who to blame. At one point there sat there saying that with a nation of fatherless children that this was to be expected well what about all army children i grow up with my dad away  90 percent of my childhood iv never gone out and stolen i have always tried to be a good person yet iv not had a solid male all the time. what about world war two and one that didn’t breed a generations of law breakers. What about children whose dad died  dos that mean they are going to just become criminals no. I know people who raised in one parent family and dads who were the army lie my self and sister and none of them have been in jail. Is the government just looking for get out of jail free card or are my sons at risk of becoming just another statistic.  I don’t think they will iv done best i can to make sure that they have role models in uncle and granddad . 50 years ago many children did not  see there dads one day to next. And yet a lot of them have turned out fine so what has changed to make this happen. Are parents now to soft i worry that I’m to soft on my children. Do these children  believe that they have an  entitlement to have any thing they want,or is there a deeper reason to this. Is it that as nation we raised this  generation full of hate and anger.   I wish i could understand why this happened why these people did this so that i never make the mistakes these parents did.

 

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born to be cheeky and loving every moment of it.

There are times i wished i had,had little girls only when i see cute dresses. But being a mum of two little men is fun and full filling moments when like  one of them dos there funny little things. Like today my sister had my oldest son over night after he sweet talked in to doing so with those sea blue eyes and Hollywood smile. So today he phones me up telling me he has had a bath and had breakfast in bed(which never gets at home and got to watch tv in bed)  and mummy it fun. He then tells me all about what he going to do rest of the day just at the end of the call he announces that he staying over another night ask him dos his auntie know this he laughs and says dont worry mummy she not got work tomorrow so she will not mind. It funny really as even the 15month old knows what not to do but how to be cheeky and stick inside the lines. Like today my friend was in the kitchen cooking her tea and the gate had broken the day before. so little man sat on his push and ride car gos up to the line that shows end of living room start of kitchen right up to it then laughs and moves back wards. He dos this several more times laughing his head of he found it so funny he never crossed the line once but got close just not close enough to be told no. And other day kierren wanted a sweet and new that lunch was soon so he says to me OK mummy i make a deal with you if you let me eat a small amount of sweets then i let you give me what ever you decide for lunch i had to let him have couple for way he worked that one out. as for kai events of today like me sorting out draws put one lot 4-5 and one lot 5-6 and 6-7 left room for matter of seconds come back in to find kai sat in a war zone of his brothers clothing. And what reaction did i get from him he clapped his hands and says to me bad baby kai oh no baby kai bad. Now who could really tell that little man of. It like when kierren was 2 and only time he has ever drawn on my walls he drew a spider but when he showed me i didn’t know if to be mad or proud as it had 8 legs how many 2 year olds would know that spider has 8 legs. my little dudes are so very funny but they are what makes every day wonderful and amazing little men.

just thoughts muddled up thoughts

even thou i am not with my sons dads and me are no longer together i will say one thing you can not have a child with someone and not have  feelings for that person at all. Because you still love the person you new at that point that you conceived that child with you may not be in love with them but you will still love them as they are apart of your child.  I look at my sons and feel an over whelming love for my little boys but one part of me feels upset. Upset that my boys don’t have the family they entitled to not a mum and dad and to kids . Both of them have not had a stable dad they had no dad or one that barely there. I wonder if there would be any damage to them or if the things iv done to give them strong male role models has stopped any damage to them long run. But you see the generation of single parent kids that now coming to age. And you here all this stuff about high risk of boys born to single mothers who are more likely to do time in jail for high risk crime. And people tend to blame it on lack of male role models i some times wonder and worry but then i think dont be stupid that just something to blame a reason to explain why some kids turn out bad and something for lawyers to use to get less time . i try do everything to give my boys male role models that are strong good men and i dont have to look far i just have to say to my dad and he jumps at chance to spend time with the boys.  kids are not born bad they blank slate so why would simple thing as no dad around why would it mean they then hurt people nope. might be case of parent not putting rules in place i believe that people see women as being weak parents as in the whole thing of mums saying wait till your dad gets home. Well i found that when your a lone parent you learn to be good cop and bad cop in one person. you learn that you have to stick to your guns as no one there to back you up. Also up side you get all the rewards .

i am not brave i’m just a mum

Some of you may not understand my view or feelings on this some of you may but fell I should let it go but I can not. I am so fed up with being called brave or amazing. I am none of those i have not been to war or ran into a burning building to save a baby.Just  because im in a wheelchair people view me as different. And of course because  of the wheel chair and my two wonderful boys then that just makes me amazing brave an example to other mothers but an example of what really?. I don’t mean this in a hate full way at all as i do understand that for many generations being a disabled mother was unheard of. And  disabled single mum was unthinkable but im here. I don’t hide the fact that yes i do get help  from family and friends but i try to do everything for my sons that i physically and safely achieve . Because i gave birth to them it should be me who cares for them in my view. Just like any mum which is why this point means so much to me.  You see for a very long time i have felt that when it comes to being a mummy going to any groups i have always been odd one out. Never fitting in as no one knows what to say or do when it comes to me. And all i want for my sons not as much me is for people to view me not my wheelchair to see me as me and to realize the only difference is i bring my seat to parties. Please if you see me at a baby group don’t say i am brave but you can say how amazing my boys are as i think they are as well. Just know that i understand why you say it but it just reminds me and my oldest how different people see us  when all kierren and i ask is to be treated like other families.