just one night

I try never to think about the babys iv lost as i know the for a moment all that pain comes rushing back.  The feeling like someone has ripped part of my heart out they just taken it away and left me with half a heat . The thing is not even having  my two wonderful son has fixed it. Every time i think of what might have been i feel an over whelming pain and anger rush throw my body and feeling like i want to yell shot and scream as loud as i can. Like i want to hit someone i want someone to feel the pain i feel the pain that i feel so they can take my pain away just for one night just one night.  Just  one night when my only children that are here with me are asleep to not look at them a feel ache that i never got to see other children that i should of had laying in there crib never got to walk throw the door holding them never got to show them to the world. And i get so mad at ladies that just get rid of there babys because they dont want to be a mum yet but never used protection as it will never happen to them.Wish they could feel my pain for one night.  Even when my wonderful sons are screaming or not doing as i have asked i always think i never get this with the others.  But then i dont want the pain to go as its a reminder of what has been .

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