Monthly Archives: May 2011

house

I fed up of consetly being told that there is no housing sutible or its only for over 55s.

Im sorry but are we not entitled to have a home for my child, is my children not entitled to the same rights as other children with able body parents.

when it comes to bidding on homes for my family i am only able to bid on disabled places were the over 55s are able to bid on normal housing and the dissabled bungalows for over 55s how is this fair and places that are disabled friendly are priority disabled yes but open to all. so im stuck with only one place every six or so months to bid on. And two children that are not  getting enough sleep and my mum not as close as i need her. you get so many people who are getting put into disabled housing that do not need it then people like my self are left were we are with no hope of getting moved to were we need to be. It seems so unfair that i am restricted for no fault of my own surely there must be some legal grounds on this. as in reality each year by my mum helping me i am not depending on the care system to help with things i am unable to do safely my elf this is saving the services thousands but if she had no car then i would have then ask them for help as she be to far to help everyday so maybe to stop this happening they should ask for me to be moved closer but that reality would never happen.It seems like those whom in reality dont need the help are getting it those who do are being turned away there should be one rule for all why should it be that im unable to get a place that meets mine and my children’s needs because of my age.

just one night

I try never to think about the babys iv lost as i know the for a moment all that pain comes rushing back.  The feeling like someone has ripped part of my heart out they just taken it away and left me with half a heat . The thing is not even having  my two wonderful son has fixed it. Every time i think of what might have been i feel an over whelming pain and anger rush throw my body and feeling like i want to yell shot and scream as loud as i can. Like i want to hit someone i want someone to feel the pain i feel the pain that i feel so they can take my pain away just for one night just one night.  Just  one night when my only children that are here with me are asleep to not look at them a feel ache that i never got to see other children that i should of had laying in there crib never got to walk throw the door holding them never got to show them to the world. And i get so mad at ladies that just get rid of there babys because they dont want to be a mum yet but never used protection as it will never happen to them.Wish they could feel my pain for one night.  Even when my wonderful sons are screaming or not doing as i have asked i always think i never get this with the others.  But then i dont want the pain to go as its a reminder of what has been .

hmmmm

Love has brought me many tears many times has felt to much but has always given me a lession or shown me true meaning of friendship.If it was not for love i would not have two very amazing little boys and be the person i am now.life has at times given me a hard hand to handle but you know what i don’t care,i dont care what i have to deal with i will do it to be a good mum i will do it. iv had many times before becoming a mum that i could just walk away and not deal with things well now now i have to deal with things and at times its not been easy.But then when has life ever meant to be easy its has been a bit of a drama for me for many years and i dream of a quite life.I look at my wonderful baby’s sleeping and wonder if they understand how different they have it from other children there age and if they are going to resent me for what they have to live with. Iv always had dream of the normal family life with a mum and a dad normal house and children and just an everyday life. Reality has not yet given me that i hope one day that i might get a man come along that can give me and my boys the love we deserve.But to find love how many risks should you take how many times should you get your heart broken. And how many times should your children’s heart be broken.

dating

Dating at any age is confusing messy emotional and risky.  But adding two little children in the mix and a disability and it becomes a whole new ball game believe me. I went out with friends one night when i only had my oldest child and a bloke started chating me up. Everything was going fine then i looked at the bloke said “do you realise im in a wheelchaire” he carmly replied “yes and that is fine” then i thought ok seems nice.We carried on talking then i noticed time and mentioned that i best get home as my sister is baby sitting young gentalman turned as with as my bed sheets and looked like i had said i had the black death. Later that night  got a text which was kind of a long then lines of dealing with your disability is hard enough but the fact of raising another mans child makes us being together impossible as i dont feel i could love another mans child. Honest at least but very hurtful towards my wonderful son and i never want any one to hurt my son.  See that is the other thing about dating you are not just putting your heart and soul on the line you are putting theres as well. Every risk you take you are taking it for them as well.  It is very scary thought they should do a hand book on dating as a single parent for dummies as we must of messed up once to be alone and raising are kid any way.

right of to bed i go night night

choices

Being a single parent is tuff at times but i class my self as selfish as i enjoy the fact that i get to have all the good times all the new things and all there achvients are theres and yours  or yours and theres which ever way applies at the time. but also all the choices are yours which can be very hard when it comes to difficult choices such as medical choices and educational. at moment tuff choices are having to be made like were do i live. where i am living at the moment has many down sides but asking council to re-home us is not working as it seems they have no subtable accommodation available for us to bid on. this leaves me choices of iva staying were i am or going on and finding a home to rent which then means i no longer be on the council list.

I’m not sure what choice to make ad what is best for us as at end of the day i want whats is best for my sons. and living were i do dos not seem at all safe for my kids. And now as they are getting older they need space to play to run to be free and at moment they not even got a shared garden. And on the weekends because we live in center of town we get drunks making lots of noise and that not fair and not right. what choice im going to make and how im going to make it i do not know if any one has advice on that i would be grateful.